I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
