There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
