is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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