She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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