Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
