and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
