Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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