Me too!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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