Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
