This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
