all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
