my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
