dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
