there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
