DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize