I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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