I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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