So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I want her autograph on my taint
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
