another moral hangover. fuck.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize