i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
