so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
