Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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