did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
