the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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