You really coming over, don't trick.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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