I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
as a side note pls kill me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
