Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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