At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
