Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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