Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
