"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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