I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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