ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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