Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She just used a chaser for red wine.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
