Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
