Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Drunk is a universal language darling
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