Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
