His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize