the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
