it hurts more in the daytime
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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