so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize