Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
