when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
