If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
