Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
