Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
