fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
barbara walters just said penis...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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