Since when is my name a synonym for head?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
