Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
