Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
