I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
