I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
