Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
