honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize