You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We are two peas in an std pod
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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