I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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