So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
