I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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