He kissed a someone with a penis
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
