New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
