just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
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