Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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