two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize