you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
