im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize