mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
