3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
