he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
