my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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