Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
