Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
