I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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