that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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