What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drunk is not a location!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
