Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
