Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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