My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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